dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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