What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
