how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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