Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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