I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
