We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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