I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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