Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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