he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
