Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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