Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
