Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize