Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
