I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
