I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
