I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
