I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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