actually, I'm a sock model
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
where are you?
Hypothermia
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
