you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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