Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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