Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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