i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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