remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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