Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
