yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
