According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Operation Purity has been aborted
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
