I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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