I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need help removing her.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
and you fell through a lawn chair
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize