so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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