were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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