I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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