I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
