3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
