it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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