can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
