What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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