I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
