If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
