He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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