the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i love accidental penises.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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