I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he just fucked me for my cheese..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
