We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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