She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
zippers are such a cool invention
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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