we have pet lesbian snakes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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