I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
