i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
