If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
