We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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