remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
