he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
