I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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