I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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