YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
