I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize