i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
