youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
