wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
