I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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