I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
