I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize