DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
