Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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