haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
