he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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