Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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