I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
