jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
