Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
