i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
