We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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