I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's official drugs can't kill me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
