Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
