Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
