it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
