Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
