if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
