God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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